Forget Mars and Venus. Dr. Buss has the REAL truth about love, marriage and
sex. In what is arguably the most fascinating book ever written about
male/female relationships, Buss provides empirical explanations for all of our
conflicts.
"Discord and dissolution in mating relationships are typically seen as signs of
failure," writes Buss in the opening chapter. "They are regarded as distortions
or perversions of the natural state of married life. They are thought to signal
personal inadequacy, immaturity, neurosis, failure of will, or simply poor
judgment in the choice of a mate. This view is radically wrong. Conflict in
mating is the norm and not the exception."
Buss, an evolutionary psychologist, asserts that all of our dating, mating and
relating behaviors are hardwired. Each gender has its own set of mating
strategies that remain unchanged since the dawn of time, and in fact work to
guarantee the survival of the species.
"Because women in our evolutionary past risked enormous investment as a
consequence of sex, evolution favored women who were highly selective about
mates," he says. In other words, because a single sexual dalliance can lead to
pregnancy and the rearing of offspring, women evolved to demand characteristics
in a mate that made it more likely for the mate to stick around. Women needed a
mate with adequate resources, and the generosity to share them. Women grew to
prefer men who were industrious and ambitious, dependable, stable, intelligent,
physically powerful, healthy, and faithful. In short, women sought- and still
seek- men who will make outstanding partners in the task of raising children.
The evolutionary mating strategies of men are, as might be expected, radically
different. The evolutionary goal of men is to spread their seed around, if you
will. It is a man's evolutionary imperative to leave behind as many offspring
as possible. Men's preference for young, attractive women has evolved from
their ability to identify healthy, reproductively viable mates who can provide
them with robust offspring. However, the single most important criteria that a
woman must meet, a finding that was universal in a study of 37 cultures, is
sexual fidelity. Because men are expected to invest their resources in their
offspring, it's essential that there be no question about their paternity. Even
today, men prefer wives with less premarital sexual experience: "Contemporary
studies show that the single best predictor of extramarital sex is premarital
sexual permissiveness," Buss reports. So while 21st century men can no longer
reasonably expect a virgin bride, a value is still place on the relative
chastity of the bride-to-be.
Not convinced that any of this is true or applicable? "Sexual strategies do not
require conscious planning or awareness," Buss says. In fact, "most human
sexual strategies are best carried out without the awareness of the actor."
Buss bases his theories on a cross-cultural study of more than 10,000
respondents, and by the time you get to the last chapter, you'll be a believer
in what he has to say.
As an undergraduate, I took a course in evolutionary psychology, and Buss's book
was assigned reading. Never have I torn through an assignment more quickly.
With each page, I found myself saying, "Yes, yes! That makes so much sense!
That explains everything!"
Buss does an outstanding job of illustrating how the mating strategies of
primitive peoples evolved into the behaviors and preferences of modern
humans and how little these strategies have really changed. A must-read for
anyone fascinated by human psychology as well as those just seeking a little
insight into inter-gender dynamics.
Forget Mars and Venus. Dr. Buss has the REAL truth about love, marriage and
sex. In what is arguably the most fascinating book ever written about
male/female relationships, Buss provides empirical explanations for all of our
conflicts.